Very first step--and it sounds silly--but often overlooked. Breath...deep in and deep out EVERY time you are getting stressed. Work on that for a week..we often revert as parents to do what our parents did only we have a lot more pressures...I grew up in a house that was loud--and I found myself yelling all day...it's frustrating for everyone. You've already taken the leap to recognize that it doesn't have to be this way--kudos for you for reading this post!! Don't beat yourself up either--it is unfortunately more common today-how else can we reprimand our little ones??? There's not much out there to teach us...
This is my take on the the big difference in attitudes from us as children to our kids. Add on that we are typically working more hours-both sets of parents and our kids are surrounded by other kids with the same situation, so there's a larger amount of stress in the air already--our kids feed off of that. They are so in-tune to nature that they can't help but be stressed themselves--and of course it's all around them isn't it? Even mine, in the home school setting get very stressed out (it's all over)...so the key is to start removing that stress from the home and start recognizing our judgement in it. I do believe our thoughts travel (scientifically proven as a form of energy)...so our stress isn't only ours--it's added on to all of those other stresses floating through the air. But there IS HOPE!!!
None of this is bad...and we typically are judging things as good or bad--so our children are learning to do the same from us..then they translate that into themselves being good or bad--rather than the act they just did or their feelings of anxiety (or even our own feelings of anxiety which they feel but do not understand)--which catapults into bad behavior (poor self esteem so to speak is really the root-but they don't think analytically-so it's just feelings for them that they act on)...AND they have their own story--so they have to experience certain things in their own lives which leads them to and through their own paths...but that's a whole other topic.
So first step--practice breathing. Big belly breaths-in and slowly out..go to the bathroom..hide in the basement. After a few days--they will notice something crazy is going on--and make it fun. They already know if it's good or not AND they want you to be happy--but right now they are getting their needs met from how you currently react to them. So change it up a bit--let them keep going and remove yourself from the feelings of anxiety--go to a quiet place and breath. NOw, if they are in danger --you have to stop them first and then go breath..but if there is no immediate danger..just go. You might find them stopping themselves by the time you are done breathing. . Verbally expressing "I am so mad and frustrated--I have to go BREATH" may be helpful in their recognition of what is going on...they will figure out why eventually and stop. You must leave the room though-by breathing AND watching them your stress won't lower. Then one can come back and stop their actions if they haven't already done so on their own. It might take a few days or even a week or two for them to start stopping themselves--it's a habit for them also--so they too have to break a habit just like you.
Make a 7 days commitment to just use the breathing-make it noticeable to them every time you are upset AND when you are upset at yourself or anyone else (a phone call, friend, email, work)--not just them..
Also--I found tapping to be profound--huge impact and it's instantaneous..plus it works irregardless of beliefs (not a holistic or remedy by faith). It's being used more and more often--slowly coming into the mainstream. Some of my kids use it now--just from seeing me use it..but not all of them. AND you can tap for them once you learn how..pretty cool--has instantly stopped screaming car rides to joyous ones...my husband does it to!!
